Untold Untruths

I got this pleasant news yesterday, but was indulging in too much angst and drama about the MPH essay to actually blog about something happy :P

See, I won The Creative and Artistic Soul in the CHS Students' Choice Awards!

You always dream that something like this might happen, that one day everyone in school will openly recognize your amazing abilities and outstanding talents; that one day you'll be presented an award by your fellow peers for everything that you stand for; that one day you will be bestowed a title of the greatest honour by those who look up to you in admiration... but you never think that it'd really happen :P

(Do note the dramatic exaggerations :)

And out of the TEN categories,

1. The Free Spirit
2. The Brain
3. The Most Likely to Be a Jedi Knight
4. The Optimist
5. The Most Likely to Be Successful in Life
6. The Best Laughter
7. The Creative and Artistic Soul
8. The Court Joker
9. The Socialist
10. The Mother Teresa

...my classmates won FOUR!

The Most Likely to Be a Jedi Knight - Teh Wey Yew
The Most Likely to Be Successful in Life - Kah Hoe
The Optimist - Christyn Chew
The Creative and Artistic Soul - Me!

Amazing, no? :)

We had our pictures taken today at the Ed Board room. I think it was abit of an anticlimax (we certainly weren't treated like celebrities as one might expect, harrumph!) after experiencing the amount of competition going on before that.

There was some really tough competition between me, Tian An, Yi Siin and Soong Jie, so it made awaiting the results somewhat hard to bear. I suffered quite a bit of kiasu-ism throughout the whole thing, wondering if I would win. Deep in my heart I felt that I deserved to, but at the same time I wondered at my self-conceit.

It took some gumption to pen down my vote for Tian An, but now that the results are out I'm God-thankful that I didn't suffer any pride voting for myself... :)

Thank God I won, and that it's all over!

O lamentable day! Look, look, O heavy day! O woeful time!

I encouraged Liz so to take part in the MPH Young Writer's Competition, and now I am in throes of agony. I'm presuming that this is nature's way of dealing with my pride and prejudice toward my writing and hers. O woeful time! I never anticipated such keen competition from her. My men of Silver wither and thaw in their presupposed glory when placed side by side with her Hector and Marvin... Why was I so foolish as to think my men of Silver were like the moon and the stars and that no man (or no student of Catholic High School, anyway) could fly as high as I on the wings of a pig? Sniff...

There can be no joy to be held from reading the passages of my Silver men any longer. Every sentence reeks of cliches, every seam in the plot wails abysmally, and everything about it screams "not good enough!" back at me.

And to think I hoped, nay, presumed I might win!

O lamentable day...

I meant my last post to be a heart-rending, tearful, sob-inducing piece of writing but after re-reading it... I don't suppose anybody can feel anything without having first read Ee Ling's blog. Shows how badly I fail to communicate my emotions. Mmm.

Long way to go, Krys.

Listened to Mr. Rao babble on again about money, careers and stuff on Friday. He made a couple of good points, and got me set on a few resolute goals. Then on Saturday, Pastor talked about Habakkuk 2:2 - writing your vision down. Thought it was all very conveniently in tandem, so here we go:

Vision for My Future
1. Go to university
2. Be a professional
3. Get out of this country
4. Earn good money
5. Study finance

These are the more solid, material visions. I don't think there is much point in listing down my liquid dreams because they constantly change and sometimes evaporate, but here are the ones that I find most consistent.

Liquid Dreams
1. Be as good as Michael Turner/Alex Ross (Drawing/Painting)
2. Be as good as Sir/Ayn Rand (Language/Writing)
3. Marry the man of my dreams
4. Live in the house of my dreams :)
5. Develop the rest of my talents

Not much point to this post but these two lists, so I'm going to end here :)

I read Ee Ling's blog just now for the very first time. It was... disturbing. Not because there was any vulgar or disgusting content, but because I could imagine the pain and heartbreak in all her round, kiddy fonts so... keenly.

You keep reading about family problems in fictional teenager's lives, but when you finally come across the real thing, it hits you right in the heart. It's a horrible, cold feeling that makes your eyes prickle like crazy. Reading her early posts drew me really close to tears... I never knew. I wonder at how she copes. She never shows a hint of her troubles at all. She cried once in school when Yunn Hwa, her and I were at the Form 6 toilet because she started talking about her mum, but I never thought there was more than that. Reading her blog really jolted me.

God made her unbelievably strong inside, for all her smallness in size. I think she's amazing the way she's made so much more of herself than most other people would have - despite what they each face/have in life. Rachel Tann is pretty, talented and popular - the epitome, I suppose, of Singaporean teen perfection. But she complains and bitches in her blog about how her mum found out she smokes, and writes casually about how she walks around in her apartment "in a big tee and underwear". She's all glam and wonder, but creatures like her never, can never, ever measure up to a little mite like Ee Ling. EL has so much more worse problems going on in her life and she still holds on fast to her integrity.

It's all so ironic. It's like people nowadays are completely blind to everything except what they see. It gives the phrase "all that glitters is not gold" a different dimension to think about. EL doesn't glitter in any way at all, but would you just look. Everything worldly and glittery just pales and fades out when you learn about people like her.

You know, before I got close to Yunn Hwa and Ee Ling, it was always just Liz, Zhen Cui, Huey Bing and Caleen. Now, with the wisdom of hindsight, I keep seeing the gigantic contrast between the two groups of friends: One batch (you know which) is privileged in practically every way - they're pretty, clever, reasonably wealthy and popular with everybody; and the other is nearly a complete opposite. Yet you see people like EL rising above all that. She studies as hard as she possibly can so that she can get good results and earn a good living next time so she can have a better life.

Indeed, it's all very admirable but right now (mostly due to the impact of drama I've received), it feels a somewhat doomed philosophy: Study hard, work hard, get good job, get out of this house and give money to parents. It makes me look at her dazedly, in a new light. You'd never have imagined a little person like EL to be so strong in life.

I used to wish I were as rich as Caleen, had as many cool clothes as Zhen Cui, and could fly overseas every year like Liz. But this year God has shown me so clearly, that true heroines don't come in those forms.

I SWEAR.

Blogger can be so effing infuriating.

I blogged a whole sentimental post which drew me near to tears and what happens? The damn page doesn't load and *POOF* go all my soppy, mushy emotions.

Pah.

I'm going to post again - properly. Hopefully the emotions I felt can be re-captured or something. Gems like that should never have to vanish into the abyss of cyberspace...

Never mind, that's being somewhat too conceited.

I'm blogging because we had Romeo and Juliet for literature just now (sounds like a meal for dinner, or something lol). Shakespeare is amazing... If any guy could speak/write to me the way Shakespeare's fictional lovers do, I would have a hard time opposing his ardour :)

The same would go for a guy who could sing to me the way the Phantom of the Opera does...

I spent my day slaving over my SPM Art Project from 9 am till 6.20pm just now, and I've only finished 4 Kajian Warnas :( I'm not going school again tomorrow because I don't think I could finish on time if I go. Dear Lord, please help me keep strong... I pray I will finish this project, Lord, and finish it well too.

Mmm... What I wanted to blog about was my love for too many things. It struck me pretty heavily just now that I love too many things and have too little love for each. It makes deciding my future career a huge predicament. How am I going to choose between all of them?

List of the Things I Love - and Related/Desired Occupations:
1. Drawing - Artist, Cartoonist
2. Writing/Language - Writer, University Lecturer
3. Acting/Public Speaking - Theatrical Actor, Drama Teacher, Playwright, Screenwriter
4. Singing - Singer!!!

And I'm really quite good at them all. So, how now? Do I choose the most practical? The most secure? Do I choose the one I love most? The one with the most satisfaction involved? Or the one I'm best at? Or the one I will most likely be able get rich by?

Mum's very much against me going into anything in relation to Arts. I'm not going to let her decide that for me - God help me. I've decided that I'm going to Form 6, then after I've graduated with 5 A's will I decide the rest of my life. Hopefully, it will be a wise decision and I won't have to sacrifice the rest of my loves for just one.

Then, I shall look back at this post and say: Ah, little Krystle, if only you knew then what I know now.