Untold Untruths

Tee Yew told me today that his mum thinks I'm pretty. He took me so much by surprise that I spluttered, "Who's your mum?" I think I must have sounded quite rude. And I couldn't find him afterward to say sorry, so now I feel kind of guilty. When I had more time to think about it, I realised that his mum must have seen me yesterday morning when I got down from our car, because they were just behind. If circumstances allow, I'll tell him I'm sorry tomorrow.

And today, Yunn Hwa told me that my hair looks like Julia Roberts' when she acted in a certain movie :) It's the nicest thing anybody has ever said about my hair for the longest time.

Shi Jin told me who Andrew is over lunch and I remember him now. He's the one who was always with Amanda and Xiao Tong (the noisy one). I sort of wish I didn't find out now. I'd always told Shi Jin and Kian Soon that he had a hideous sense of fashion and that Amanda could do better.

There's no flow today; it's aggravating.

I think it's because WWE is on and Marcus, Eunice and Dad are yelling abuse at the four big gorillas onscreen.

Hehe. Now that I know about it, I guess I should have seen it coming but I just never gave it much thought. ET accidentally sent a clandestine/furtive/surreptitious (I just love Microsoft Word's thesaurus :) message to my MSN window last night. It was about somebody who would never "accept".

The palpable , arrant tang of a secret filled my nostrils. A chain of thoughts instantaneously came tumbling through my mind. ET? - "Accept"? - A crush! - Who? - Liz? - Ask him. So I did :P It took nearly an hour before I found that I was right; it is Liz he is harbouring affection for.

I was sworn to secrecy by Yan Yee, who was really the one who told me. I believe she is the one that clandestine message was originally meant for. I feel a bit bad that I pried so much, especially since I never keep secrets like this from Liz or Cow, despite all the vows. In fact I've already told them both :/

"Just kill me now."

But anyway, I don't think this crush will go anywhere because:
A) ET has just broken up with Sharon of four years and it would (surely?) take him longer to get over something like that.
B) He and Liz could never... I know her too well :)
C) He knows it; he said as much himself.
D) They are too much like good friends.

The good thing is that he knows all this. I vaguely wondered if I should discourage him from trying or something, at first. Goodness it sounds really appalling of me, but I didn't want him to try, then get hurt or anything all the while knowing that I could have said something to prevent it...

Perhaps I assume too much. Liz could always adopt a sudden, severe change of taste in guys. (Though it really does not seem very possible.) She could always unknowingly develop a profound affection for bespectacled, 46kg, long-haired college boys whose ambition is to hunt ghosts... OK, probably not.

But I really must keep my tongue to myself when it comes to situations like this in future. Realising now how much damage I might have caused their friendship is a scary thought. Never never never again...

Liz has promised to help take care of Marcus while he is at C.F. Camp, and she will get ET to help too. This has taken quite a load off my back :) I'll miss the little weirdo while he's away. I only hope he'll come back having learnt something and wanting to go again.

Kuok Pin is absurdly hard to contact, even though he has two different handphone numbers. Either one is always unavailable and the other is forever unanswered, no matter how long I keep the dial-tone going. Ugh. Messaging him is just as useless, if not more so. His inbox is either always full or his phone is turned off.

So, it turned out that we couldn't go to FGA, KL today to submit his form because his mum couldn't drive us there. I'd thought he'd be the one driving at first, and when I knew that his mum was actually the one who was going to drive us there, I felt quite bad. I would never have suggested anything of the sort if I'd known. I even asked Cow if he'd like to tag along today! What would his mum have said?!

We might be going tomorrow, but it looks pretty unpromising. "Hope did not exactly spring eternal in my heart, but it crowhopped." But there's not much crowhopping here, not to mention eternal hope. Blah. See how lah, only God can make a way now, I'm sure.

Mum wasn't happy with me this morning and she might not be now either, for the same reasons. I think I'd better go down and see if my services are needed.

Toodalay, toodalah, toodaloo, everybody :)

Haha, what "everybody"?

For the record, M.I.P.I.L. stands for Most Interesting Person In Life. It applies to someone whom you've taken an interest to or vice-versa.

Some guy named Andrew Ng seems very keen on "making friends". He's added me on MSN and gotten my handphone number through the oddest means: Amir (I think) and Yee Ming. He saw me at Mr. Rao's tuition, but he doesn't go there anymore.

It's nice to think that someone is interested, but I wish it would be someone more worthwhile for a change.

I really need to restock my blog-surfing-links. The last four or five blogs I visited were disgusting. They were harsh to read and harsh to see. Clashing colours, mismatched fonts, cruel words, ugly thoughts. (Wow, that actually had some poetic appeal.)

Why can't people keep certain things to themselves, I wonder. Never in my life... And to think they were all females too. I think it probably is true that girls are evil. The guys never blog about such incredible nonsense, and they seem to swear alot less too.

Blogs give me such a huge headache at times :(

Hooooo!! Woooo!! Wheee!! Mozilla has (ahem) ameliorated!! The template works beautifully now!! *beams* All my posts actually appear as they should. Praise God! And Blogger too, if they've done anything to help :) Now this satiates my need for perfection. How incomprehensible. How weird. How cool. *happy sigh*

Don't mind me :)

It took me nearly half an hour (minus approx. 20 minutes of chatting) to think of a title, and I still don't like it.

Church took over most of my weekend this week. It was RLC yesterday and Glad Tidings today. Mum apparently talked to Ps. Irene sometime earlier during the week about Marcus, and the kind pastor invited us over.

Glad Tidings turned out to be a really beautiful church (mostly from the inside :). It made me realise how much less modern I had been imagining it to be. It looked like a 5-star hotel lobby reception when we walked in because gentle golden light bathed the atmosphere, and there were gorgeous recesses cut into the ceiling. It changed my mind about RLC because I'd always thought our church was one of the hippest and most lovely.

There wasn't a youth service today like there usually is every week, because there was a special healing ceremony(?) led by a guest - Dr. Ananda. It felt abit awkward to be with the adults, especially my Mum, because I've only ever worshipped with youth.

Bumped into Ian, Elijah and Erwin from C.F. and Ven Zhin from Cosmotots. It was really suprising to see all of them there, all in one small corner of the hall too. I'd thought the corner we were sitting at couldn't have been more remote, youth-wise. And I think all along, I was expecting to see Sean and Joshua more than anybody else.

The hall's really huge, much larger than the one in RLC, and it was nearly full to the brim today. I was never good at estimations, but I think there must have been at least 300 people there. Perhaps 500? I don't know. But it was staggering to see the amount of people there today, even with the knowledge that today's service was a special event, combined with the youth and maybe even other services.

Ian and Elijah made their youth service sound like it was the best all around. I'm going to have to check it out one day soon :) They have some really great ideas I think our church should catch on to, too. Ian told me that their youth service started this policy or something, that for each foul word that you utter, you have to punish yourself 10 cents and put the total accumulated amount, by the end of the week, into a box at church. Ps. Irene also told Mum that they teach stuff like manners and social etiquette etc during youth service too.

The people there are kinda over-enthusiastic and I think it put me off quite a bit. They keep telling you that they have a great, "dynamic" youth service if they see that you're a teenager, and ask you to join a cell. I probably should have told them that I already attend RLC, but I didn't. I felt it might burst their bubble or something? And when I stood up when they were welcoming new-comers, at least 4 different people came to greet me and shake my hand. That was kind of nice, actually :P

Passing thought: ...I think the people at my church are probably just as enthusiastic over new-comers.

Marcus fell asleep again like he did yesterday during service and Mum said she could barely hear the speaker. Then again, neither could I. Don't know whether to attribute it to the fact that no speakers were facing our way, or that he didn't speak clearly enough for his words to be made out.

I think Mum liked it quite a bit, apart from the inaudible speaker. Eunice said she prefers RLC's Joel and it made me feel happy. Apparently the Sunday School is stricter and they made her memorise a Bible verse today. I really hope Mum joins a church. All she needs is to have enough will and time so that she can make it every week. Dear God, please help her make a way...

Church was mortifying yesterday because I messed up horribly during Talentsearch. At first I was all hail and hearty because I didn't think I would make it for the finals, but after yesterday I think I would have preferred not to. I believe James will win and it hurts a bit. But just a bit.

I don't want to go for C.F. camp after all because of Mr. Rao's tuition schedule (4 hours everyday during the week) and Liz isn't very happy about it. In fact, she was going, "I'm so SAD! Sniff! You're preferring tuition to Camp! I'm going to CRY!". Something the likes of that :P She's so cute sometimes it makes me jealous.

Still wondering if Cus should go without me. Surely Liz would take good enough care of him? I'd owe her but I don't mind.

Kuok Pin was supposed to come church yesterday but he didn't because he was at a Bhuddhist camp. He's so funny :P He messaged, and he says he really wants to go for FGA's Youth Camp. The only problem is that Liz passed her form up today through Daniel and already she's on the waiting-list. I really pray and hope they'll take more applicants... Like Liz and Kuok Pin. Again, Dear God, pleaase pleease please won't You make a way for them! My Mum too. Amen.

I think if the people who liked my old blog so much read all this, they would change their minds about liking the way I write. It feels boring. I wonder how to change this? It's such a bother catering for the public's affection, and mine.

I never thought I would say this, but tuition has become really very enjoyable. I actually stayed back for an extra 4 hours or so today with Shi Jin, Yunn Hwa and Lawrence. We did our addmath homework (3 A4 sheets full of past-year SPM "Fungsi" questions) while talking about this, that and everything else that remotely came into topic. I really enjoyed my time doing those questions while talking and talking away :)

Yunn Hwa told us something that struck us more heavily than the other topics did. It was about her biao mei (cousin). Apparently she's only 15 but is already married, to a 35 year old man to boot, *wince*. He got her pregnant. Her baby's about 7 months old now. The sad part is that she has a lot of potential in her. From what Yunn Hwa said, it sounded like she had everything: great looks, good grades and all that. Why in the world did she choose to throw it all away for some man old enough to be her uncle, I don't understand.

I cannot imagine being attracted to a man twice my age at all. The very thought is grotesque. If she'd done it with some handsome young punk, it would have been more understandable or something. The fact that the father of her baby is 35 years old puts her story in a much harsher, darker light.

If she knew Jesus... I don't think she would ever throw away her virginity like that.

Wanted to talk to mum about this, but decided not to in case she started on her no-boyfriends lecture again. That particular lecture always makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

Back to the topic: I really enjoy tuition nowadays. I have never had more fulfilling school-year-end holidays :) It feels a lot as though Mr. Rao with his obvious and intense dedication to his work, + all his talks about life and money and marrying (haha), has finally sort of seeped through to me.

I think I'm going through quite a positive phase of change, but I don't really dare to tell anybody in case it turns out that I'm not. Because if I don't change somehow, it won't be anybody's fault but mine and it would be pretty unbearable for other people to know, or think, that.

Kiasu girl I am.

Dear God, in times of doubt I always find myself turning to You for some help and guidance. This holidays (drat Mr. Lim for picking on plurals for "holidays"!! I'm mixing all my tenses up.) has been an educational one and I wonder if You are putting me through a time of real growing-up and change. I feel like I'm going to change alot, dear God, but I'm afraid I might do something to prevent it. Please help me do what is right and what is according to Your will. Help me change, Father, and guide me to do what is right. Thank You, for everything. In Jesus' most precious name, Amen.

K, tuition's first thing tomorrow, so ta' :)

Gahh, I checked. Everything's fine on IE. Why?? Why is Mozilla so unutterably dumb with codes? It's not like everything's riddled with encryption for goodness' sake. Grumblegrumblegrumble.

Curses be to she who craves perfection. I guess I know how Liz feels about her blog now.

I am incensed. I don't understand why I can't view my last post unless I click on "November 2004" under archives. I don't know how to change this under "Template" because the code's in a format I've never quite seen before. It irks me. Blarrgh.

I lent Shi Jin my Drawing Cutting Edge Comics today. It was kind of heart-wrenching because the book costs so much and I paid RM40 of it with the MPH vouchers I won during English Week. I hope he doesn't crumple it or anything... I still haven't learnt enough from it to feel that it's mine.

It's something I learnt from Sir at Cosmotots. No book's ever really yours until you've read it.

In this case though, I think I'm not going to be able to feel that that book's really mine until I've fully utilized it.

Showed Shi Jin some of SeanE's stuff which are on renderosity.com. He didn't seem very impressed with any of them except the one of Lara Croft. He said in Chinese, "now this is really cool!"

Afterward, he seemed inspired to want to draw better. I think he likes my book very much and I feel proud and happy that I bought it, and that it's mine to that extent at least.

A thought: I shouldn't dote over a book this much.

I don't really think you can actually learn how to draw from a book... but it does make good onhand reference. I hope that by next year end, at least, I will be able to draw as well as the person who did all those amazing illustrations.

I'm sort of blogging for the sake of blogging today. Don't really have anything to say.

Sad, but true. Toodles :)

I didn't want to blog for a long time, but reading blogs like Hui Ying's make me ache to write. Why are some people just so incredibly good at writing, I wonder. I'm as green as Mike Wozowski(?) with envy. I keep saying I want to write really well, and yet I never do anything to try come as far as they do.

I really need to change.

Couldn't get the url www.untold.blogspot.com. Should have known anyway, "untold" is such a cliche. (I wonder if there is a substitute for "cliche". Been using the word way too often. It makes me sound as though I watch every word I say... which is probably true, actually. Sigh.)

Want to go for writing deeper stuff now. No not deeper, but what's the word - substantial. So far it's taking quite abit of effort..

Argh, using the shift key for the first letter of every sentence is so annoying.

Mum's just leaving. I feel mean. She told me again that I'm extremely lazy and that she's afraid we might end up like my shushu and kuku. Sigh...

Dear God, please help me change for the better. Amen! :)

Till next time.