Untold Untruths

I had a good look at "the moon" on Tuesday and today, and I can definitely be happy without it. Though, it could be because he was a bad lapse of judgement from the very beginning.

I'm blogging 'cause I'm feeling like a loser again, and need some kind of outlet apart from whining to friends. Didn't get ASEAN, rejected by ISKL, missed out on JPA. Feeling seriously, seriously embittered. I keep wondering if there's something wrong with me: I mean, WHY me? Why NOT me? Is there something I'm totally not getting here? Is it the way I handle interviews? The way I look? The way I talk? What la?

Kind of pissed at God too. All the wonderful beautiful promises they keep proclaiming and I keep hearing... Things are just not working out for me just now. You don't feel much love when you're just friggin pissed off with life. Why do some people get it so easy? Why do I have to care so much? GOD, WHY?

Kuah said something significant earlier. Said he couldn't stand people who got loads of A's then felt that everybody owed them scholarships. I think I'm one of them. I keep expecting something really tremendously good to happen because of my 11 A's. Keep feeling that things will be so much easier now, that the friggin sea of colleges and universities will part and reveal a road of light and gold for me to walk through - because of my 11 A's. All that fuggin bullshit I got from parents and teachers about results, where the fug have they gotten me? KDU.

KDU's not bad, I've made a great friend and met some great people. But it's not where I wanted to go. I keep feeling like I've ended up at my last resort, and that bites real hard when you stare at the other options out there. S'like I'm in Loser City... The place where people go to when they have no other choice. Ha, damn mean of me but I feel damn bitchy right now.

Krystle in Loser City. Krystle the Great just losing her dreams one by one. Krystle the "One-Day" girl just goddamned tired of failure.