Untold Untruths
Mike Wozowski is gobsmacked for good reason.
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Friday, February 3
"If we study the giants, we are less apt to be pygmies."
Just finished a short round of blog-surfing. Went through the usual ones, Kelly, Grace, Hui Ying... then from Hui Ying's I went to Harold's. Guy was talking about the student council in Taylors, what's happened, how everything turned out, and how he felt about it. Hui Ying's made me feel bad enough, but reading Harold's really stirred me. His latest 2 posts slammed on the "I" alarm switch more effectively than jumping into ice-cold water.
The "I" alarm switch is that panic button that gets pressed when suddenly everything about "You" matters. Everything that you're doing, everything you've done, everything you've lived for, everybody you know. It's that terrible, powerful slambam moment when you feel completely, utterly, horribly judged by yourself through the world's eyes.
It's like looking for yourself through a magnifying glass' lens hovering above the globe.
I'm so fucking insignificant. Not to Him, maybe, or to my immediate friends' and family's, but very much to me. And that's really bad enough, because if you can't even jump the first hurdle, how do you get past the rest?
Hui Ying took the IB diploma, apparently, and now she's in uni for Finance. Harold was president of his college's student council or something, and he's obviously done an amazing job. Sean's top student of his college and has landed a girl. And what the fuck am I doing??
It's so fucking shameful to see yourself like this. It's like watching a naked old person crumpled-up and crying. It's pitiful, humiliating and disgusting.
People who say they haven't seen many "high-flyers" or whatever like me haven't seen others from the right circles.
The "I" alarm switch is that panic button that gets pressed when suddenly everything about "You" matters. Everything that you're doing, everything you've done, everything you've lived for, everybody you know. It's that terrible, powerful slambam moment when you feel completely, utterly, horribly judged by yourself through the world's eyes.
It's like looking for yourself through a magnifying glass' lens hovering above the globe.
I'm so fucking insignificant. Not to Him, maybe, or to my immediate friends' and family's, but very much to me. And that's really bad enough, because if you can't even jump the first hurdle, how do you get past the rest?
Hui Ying took the IB diploma, apparently, and now she's in uni for Finance. Harold was president of his college's student council or something, and he's obviously done an amazing job. Sean's top student of his college and has landed a girl. And what the fuck am I doing??
It's so fucking shameful to see yourself like this. It's like watching a naked old person crumpled-up and crying. It's pitiful, humiliating and disgusting.
People who say they haven't seen many "high-flyers" or whatever like me haven't seen others from the right circles.